Driving While Distracted
As I cautiously pilot the roadways of Los Angeles, I make it a habit to observe the people that cross my path, not only out of curiosity but for the safety of my living breathing physical being. When the "Hands Free" law went into effect July 1st, California motorists were required to use a hands-free device to talk on a cellphone, I thought it was safe to venture out again without the fear of being side swiped by another multi-tasking driver. Yet to my dismay, people are still driving Hands Bound. While dodging Driving While Distracted drivers, I made a list of the most common infractions and texted it to myself while I was idling at the light...
1. The Lazy Eye: Drivers that have one eye on their GPS units and the other on the road. This causes the driver to swerve at the last minute when the road specified by the GPS unit is now a One Way.
2. The Knee Capper: Driving with your knees while texting.
3. The Pointer: Even with the Bluetooth, they need both hands to make their point while driving 80 mph on the freeway.
4. The Pirate: Drivers that search for their ringing phone under the seat or in their bags while driving. "It's buried here somewhere!"
5. The Wedgie: Both hands are on the steering wheel, but the cell phone is wedged between their ear and shoulder.
6. The Blimp: While talking on the phone, they blissfully float from one lane to the next, like a giant hot air balloon ride on a Sunday afternoon.
7. The Toupee: They know it's against the law, so they scoot down low when they are talking on the cell phone so that you can only see the tops of their heads.
8. The Wrestler: Bluetooth gets snagged in clothing, both hands unknotting the earpiece out, while using an elbow to steer.
9. The Auto Pilot: Catching up on the latest Office episode on your iPhone while driving.
10. The Black Hole: A driver idling by the side of the road, caught between dead service areas. They then lurch forward, speeding to the next cell phone tower.
In Los Angeles, we dodge cars and pedestrians like a well choreographed square dance; swapping lanes and avoiding collisions with ease, dancing to a beat of personal cell phone ringtones and the smell of burning brake pads. We know the laws are there to protect us from ourselves, but our nature is to cross our fingers and hope for the best. We are all guilty of one infraction or all of the above, what sets us apart from the rest of the country is the fact that we manage in a city of 1.8 cars per person not to play Bumper Cars from the moment we leave our driveways.
Image: Ophelia Chong / Letterpress & Ephemera