The Neighbor in the Elevator
I live up in the Oaks neighborhood of Los Feliz, and on my daily walks with my three dogs, I will cross the paths of neighbors and we will chat about the missing mailbox, noisy construction, the economy - just about anything that you can fit into 2 minute snippets while the dogs pull on the leashes, noses pointing down the hill.
One neighbor, Mark Steinberg, a retired partner at O'Melveny & Myers, would stop and say hello. Besides being an attorney, he is an astute recorder of the jetsam and flotsam of everyday life. Here is a short story from my neighbor and fellow traveller, Mark Steinberg:
Elevators
by Mark Steinberg
Under the category, “Mindless things we do that are really, really stupid,” add calling for an elevator.
You walk into the lobby of a building and head for the elevator bank. There you find three people waiting, looking up at the relentlessly ascending numbers. What do you do? You go over to the buttons and push “Up.” Why? Because that’s what you do. In a single gesture you convey to your presumptive fellow passengers that they have forgotten a critical but important step in getting to where they want to go. They haven’t pushed the "Up" button. Alternatively, they haven’t pushed it repeatedly.
They think you think they are idiots. They think you are an idiot. You push the button… repeatedly and now urgently. The numbers above the doors go into double digits. When the trend of events becomes clear, a slight smile crosses the faces of the others.
You think you are an idiot.
The mission changes. To hell with the elevator, you must now bond with these people. You stand back, attempting to convey through body language that the elevators are obviously defective. You cross your arms, imitating the posture of the other three, trying to blend into the group. You watch them out of the corner of your eye, shaking your head and loudly expelling your breath in attempted unison.
The elevators continue to rise, sometimes stopping and raising the false hope that the apogee has at last been reached. You turn to one of your three would-be fellow travelers and ask rhetorically, “Can you believe it?”
The ball is now in their court. They can welcome you into the fold, generously putting aside your earlier insult, or they can stand silently, ignoring your obvious attempt to be at one with them. Without taking a vote, they take pity. One of the three says: “It’s always like this. I told my doctor’s receptionist about it twice.”
You’re in. You’ve completed the journey from the absurd to the indignant.
A lady in a wheelchair rolls in and maneuvers to the buttons. She pushes “Up” repeatedly.
Check out Mark's blog rejectedopeds.
If you enjoy Mark's writing as much as I do, you can also read Mark's Opinion Piece in the Los Angeles Times here.
Mark Steinberg is a retired partner at O'Melveny & Myers and served in the State and Justice departments during the Clinton administration.
Image: Ophelia Chong / Going Down